RankynPhyle.com

…just another face in the crowd.

Putting the Fear of Me into You

Posted by Rankyn Phyle on 2012 Feb 01

Dear Imperial Commanders,

I have just single-handedly waded through eleventy billion of your soldiers to get from the front door of your massive fortress all the way to your inner sanctum and now I am offering you a chance to surrender so I don’t have to kill the last 3 living beings still occupying this structure.

I have blazed a swath of destruction across the galaxy through every single Imperial operation I’ve come across since the day I picked up my very first training saber.

I am clearly a badass mother f*cker and should not be trifled with.

Just once I’d like to see one of you do the smart thing and come along peacefully so I don’t have to beat you and your boys to death and drag your corpse back to HQ.

How it always goes down:
Imp Commander: Well, I see that you’ve made it this far but now you will die.
Me: Surrender and I’ll see that you aren’t harmed.
Imp Commander: You may have killed everyone in the building but now I’m going to kill you. Don’t feel bad though, because your death will play a pivotal role in galactic history.
(48 seconds later)
Me: Captain, gather up what’s left of the Commander and bring it back to the base.

How it should have ended:
Imp Commander: OMG you’ve killed every able-bodied man under my command!
Me: Surrender and I’ll see that you aren’t harmed.
Imp Commander: You betcha!

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One Response to “Putting the Fear of Me into You”

  1. […] This is a follow up to Found: The First Intelligent Imperial! …which was a follow up to Putting the Fear of Me into You. […]

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